Go Right Go Wrong - The Lady In The Bus

It’s funny how we can go right and still go wrong. I mean even when we are trying our best to be good, and when we start being good, there comes a time when we notice that we have gone over board and the good is now becoming a bad thing.

A small example, I know I’m a good person I’m very confident in the goodness of my heart, its a painful journey, but I know I have the strength to be my idea of what a good person is.

With this confidence I was going about my days when one day I was in the bus and a short, stout lady got in and stood by the door blocking it. None of my business, I was comfortably sitting in my seat, but I was judging her in my mind, a few stops later she got a seat, and a few more stops later another lady, short, got on, and this lady helped her cross to a place she could hold onto something, because the handles hanging from the ceiling of the bus is too high.

What she did immediately felt like a slap on my face. I immediately felt stupid and humiliated like as if everyone there saw me and read my thoughts.

How did I not see my arrogance? How did I not notice her difficulty? Why was I judging her, what in her irritated my own demons?

I realised I became so confident of the fact that I am a good person, I forgot to pay attention to my own thoughts and behaviours. Which led me to realise how being good can also become a bad thing if we are doing it unconsciously and not checking ourselves constantly.

How important it is to always be aware of who we are being at every waking moment of our lives. It is a very tedious thing, I agree, and maybe that’s why it’s not for the faint hearted.

It’s a choice some people are compelled to make because their soul knows no other way, the guilt of seeing and choosing to ignore is not an option if you want to calm the anxiety and overthinking. If I tried to ignore it, the guilt and anxiety will lead to depression putting me in victim mode.

It’s also important to remember that we will fall no matter how hard we try, but it’s important to accept this as a “Fact” and have no shame in accepting responsibility and getting back up again. I still try hard to stop being judgemental, it’s an ongoing battle, but I am aware enough to shift my thoughts every time I catch them.

Ive seen her few more times in the bus after that, but now every time I see her, I see someone who crossed paths with me for a very important lesson I needed to learn about myself, and even though we don’t know each other, without knowing it, she showed me a side of me that I needed to heal in that moment and so that I can become a better version of who I was before I first met her.